I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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