He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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