Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
