hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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