I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
