My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
