dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
