I'm going to rape someone's good day.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
