At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
