so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize