i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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