alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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