i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
