What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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