yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
