Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
