Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize