32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
