i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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