I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
