Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
