I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
