Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
