so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I came so hard my ears popped.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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