So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
