sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
