it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize