i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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