I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
