I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
