went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
