The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
