well you can't waste a boner
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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