I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
