I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
