i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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