I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Plan B is the new Plan A
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
