I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
ttyl tear gas
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
