wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
