dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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