If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
