just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
