I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
