Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
