census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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