He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
