There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
