im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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