I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
