my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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