I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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