Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
