oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
