I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
