I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
