There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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