why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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