remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
