Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
