I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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