Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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