i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
