i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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