Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How does it feel to date your dad?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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