Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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