how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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