Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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